Planning Family Togetherness
You know your family better than anyone. So trying to talk about planning family time can look completely different for every woman in here. What works for me, might work for you, but probably not -and that’s fine.
I want to start by saying that family time and togetherness isn't just about activities. Trying to plan this conversation I kept getting caught up in talking about planning activities, and I will share some fun free and cheap things we can do with our families, but really the heart of family time is forming bonds with our kids and husbands that hopefully will draw us closer together and leave us wanting to spend more time together. Family time to me is more about modeling what it looks like to be a family, to be human. Doing the mundane tasks. Teaching our kids proper behavior, what healthy relationships look like, that home is where we can feel safe. All of these things are important so that when we do spend time doing a fun outing as a family it's actually fun.
Recently, I was getting the boys ready to take Ethan to Preschool. Alister was dawdling and we were running late. So I said (in a not so nice mommy voice) "Alister, hurry up! You are making us late!" Before we hit the door, we were already not having a nice time. I was frustrated because we were late and I was blaming my 3 year old for making us that way. A three year old was not making me late. My lack of planning was!
Are you ever like this? I hope I'm not the only one that's had a moment like this. But this is an example of what God has been showing me about family and what I am teaching my children about being a family. If I am rushing my children pretty regularly, complaining about them dragging their feet putting on coats, not picking up toys, arguing with me about things... I am teaching them that the times we are together, mommy is stressed, yelling and unprepared. Family time seems like a chore. The kids seem in the way, not a blessing. Philippians 2:14 "Do everything without complaining or arguing."
This is not the picture I have when I leave my house sometimes-or even when I am still in my house. Every word and action we speak or do to each other is showing our kids what family looks like. Do you like what you've been teaching your kids about family? Bickering, belittling, undermining? Or love, respect, compromise?
When I prayed about what to share with you all, this is not what I was expecting to hear back from God. I started feeling convicted about my attitudes and the general tone around my house. Please do not think I am standing up here with everything figured out. I do not have it figured out. What I do have, is a few ways the Lord has showed me how to create an atmosphere in my home to promote more quality family time.
Quality family time does not happen by accident. It takes planning. Your whole family ending up in the same room in your house does not equal quality time.
I will break up this conversation into a few sections or topics that are all related to quality family time. Then I will open up for discussion on other tips or ideas you all do for family time.
1. Mommy + God Time
This might seem like an unrelated topic, but I feel like this is where it all starts. It is so important for us to spend time with the Lord. I know if I don't plan on spending time daily in the Word, in prayer, journaling, it's not going to happen. I have to be intentional. The times I am closest to the Lord are the times I feel more confident in who I am as a woman, wife, mother, confident in what God has done for me and called me to be and shows me what I am blessed with. From that, I am encouraged and have faith that whatever is going on in my home and family, God can handle. I feel more at peace when I am not in control, than when I try and control things. And no matter how much I want to spend time with my family and make it worthwhile, it's so hard to do when I haven't spent time with God. Do you all feel that way too? Mommy + God= Peace in Mommy's life. I didn't say that there wouldn't be hard times or circumstances that are not pleasant, but I can have peace when I offer my worries to God.
*As a side note, I can not change my husband. If I am frustrated with him and have a bad attitude towards him, he sees that, but my kids also see that and the only one in this relationship I can control is myself. Family time/outings/activities when I am not okay with him or vice versa is a mess. No one has a good time and it usually makes for a bad experience. So, if I am spending time daily with God, it's really hard to let problems fester in my relationship with my husband. Which is another really, really good reason to have this daily time with God. It also brings me to my second topic…
2. Mommy + Daddy Time
Spending time with our husbands is challenging after we have kids, sometimes it's challenging before, too. We both work all day, have stresses from work, and have our own list of things we need to get done around the house, garage, car…From my experience husbands feel the same kind of guilt we feel as moms. I also know that if Joe and I haven't spent time together, spending time together with the kids is much harder. So I put together a list of date night activities. We don't have a lot of money to devote to date nights, but it's more about being intentional in spending some time alone. Without children. Or your mom. Or friends around.
Some things that work for us are:
1. Plan a weekly date night. Doesn't have to be fancy. It could be talking after the kids go to bed, eating a bowl of ice cream, watching a favorite show together. Although it is tempting to spend this time while the kids sleep catching up on bills and other things on your list, remembering why you married this person and spending time investing in your relationship is always worth it. Also, I know my husband is hurt when I pour over the kids all day and ignore him when he gets home. He's the reason they are here to begin with, so he's pretty important and should be treated as important.
2. If his job allows and he doesn't mind, send each other texts through out the day. Maybe how's your day? Tell him what you are making for dinner, what the kids said that you think is funny. Or if he can't text, leave a voice message. Something that lets him know you are thinking of him.
3. Set aside time on Sunday evening to go through the calendar for the coming week. That way there are no surprises and we know what to expect from the other person as far as who is making dinner, hanging out with the kids, who's got something going on in the evening…
4. One evening a week I try and give him an hour or so of free time when he gets home.
These are some things we've seen that keep our relationship strong. We communicate consistently about what works and what doesn't.
3. Family Activities
"First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage."
One thing I've found in my marriage is if I don't have a plan for family time when my husband gets home, he probably doesn't have one either. Most activities we can do as a whole family are centered around the evening and weekends. One thing we all hear is how important it is to have a family dinner as much as possible and it is. Some families do a weekly pizza night or taco Tuesday. What ever works for your family.
We usually try and spend a good 1/2 hr a night just playing with the kids. Sometimes I get so focused during the day on what I need to do, that I find myself setting the kids up with activities and not really spending much time with them(I'm working on this). After dinner we let the kids pick a toy to bring to the living room and we will sit and play until bath time or bedtime.
*When it's bath time, I will give one a bath while Joe gets one on one time with the other doing an activity of this child's choice. This works well because we have two kids, but finding a way to spend one on one time is something I don't get to do enough. Maybe think about ways you can carve out even 5 minutes with each of your kids.
This doesn't happen every night, but it's a goal. What are your goals spending time as a family? Is it to relax, learn, teach, get out of the house, stay in, volunteer??? Thinking about our goals gives us a better understanding of our expectations. I have planned some activities that have really bombed because I wanted to see or do something that my kids or husband weren't interested in at all. So know your audience when planning. That way everyone can have fun. If you have multiple children and wide gaps in age, maybe the older one gets to pick an activity one day then the younger gets to the next time.
*Important reminder! You make your calendar, your calendar doesn't run your life. You know the tone of your house, if your kids came home from school and they had a rough day taking them out in public might not be the best idea, even if it's something you were really looking forward to. Maybe you are more scheduled than you need to be and everyone is exhausted from trying to fill every night with something when you've had busy days. Discernment is key.
Another thing I try to do so that our family doesn't get overwhelmed when we are all together is plan my mommy time while my husband is at work. Monday Moms, Bible study, play dates… That way I'm not shoving the kids off on my husband the second he walks in the door. Other than not spending Mommy + God time there isn't a faster way for my family to feel burned out. Not to say that I don't occasionally go out with a friend at night, but generally I plan to be home when my husband is home in the evening.
Pray together. Intercede. We have a prayer pail. We haven't been as consistent as I would like, but it's a great tool to get us to pray together as a family. I have yet to meet anyone that consistently prays as a family. This is a goal for me. I think it's pretty important to teach our children to think of others and to pray for them. They ask a lot of questions during this prayer time, so it's usually pretty deep conversation and my kids are 3 and 5. This was also a really fun activity to make with the kids.
Indoor/outdoor buckets. If we look at our calendars, we already have a lot of blanks filled in. Work. School. Church. Monday moms. Volunteering. So what do we do with our kids that are home with us during the day and when they get home from school? Make two buckets. Indoor and outdoor. Fill each one accordingly with activities. Indoor could be an inventory of toys they have. They can pick a slip of paper if they are bored and might realize they have a great toy they haven't played with in a while. Outdoor could be as simple as sidewalk chalk, bike riding or going to a park you wouldn't mind driving to on short notice. I've made a list of daily free or cheap activities so this could be a little easier.
Look up random holidays. Family Fun magazine's website literally has a quirky activity for every day. It really is amazing. Each month has at least one national holiday to celebrate, so you could look up ideas online or at the library to celebrate as a family. Our family Is planning on doing something together on Valentine's day.
Weekly activities. Maybe your child participates in music lessons, sports, AWANAS. Have everyone pile in the car and go with to observe or drop off. Maybe it's story time at the library. The Blue Springs South branch has a 7:30 story time on Thursday evenings. We take recycling together. The kids like to help carry it downstairs and sort. After we take it to the bins we can go play at a park.
Weekly Outing Ideas
Monday · Monday Moms 10-11:30 · Toddler Town 10-12 ages 5 and under $1 per child · Paradise Park-Moms FREE · Kid Zone- 10-3 and 5-8 before 11am kids $4 · Martha Lafite Thompson Nature Sanctuary 8-5 FREE · Deanna Rose 9-5 FREE · Crown Center Tales and Trails 10am-9pm 2/4-4/29 FREE · Library 9am-9pm FREE · George Owens Nature Park 8:30-5pm FREE | Tuesday · Success by 6 Paul Consiglio Building 9:30-3:30 during school year FREE · Kid Zone- 10-3 and 5-8 before 11am kids $4 · Lakeside Nature Center 9-5 FREE · Nelson Atkins Museum 10-4 FREE · Martha Lafite Thompson Nature Sanctuary 8-5 FREE · Burr Oak Nature Center 7-6 FREE · Deanna Rose 9-5 FREE · Crown Center Tales and Trails 10am-9pm 2/4-4/29 FREE · Library 9am-9pm FREE · George Owens Nature Park 8:30-5pm FREE | Wednesday · Toddler Town 10-12 ages 5 and under $1 per child · Kid Zone- 10-3 and 5-8 before 11am kids $4 · Lakeside Nature Center 9-5 FREE · Nelson Atkins Museum 10-4 FREE · Martha Lafite Thompson Nature Sanctuary 8-5 FREE · Burr Oak Nature Center 7-6 FREE · Deanna Rose 9-5 FREE · Crown Center Tales and Trails 10am-9pm 2/4-4/29 FREE · Library 9am-9pm FREE · George Owens Nature Park 8:30-5pm FREE · MARCH 1st MO Town 9-4:30 Adults $5 children 5+ $3 and 4 and under FREE | Thursday · Kid Zone- 10-3 and 5-8 before 11am kids $4 · Lakeside Nature Center 9-5 FREE · Nelson Atkins Museum 10-4 FREE · Burr Oak Nature Center 7-6 FREE · Deanna Rose 9-5 FREE · Crown Center Tales and Trails 12pm-5pm 2/4-4/29 FREE · Library 9am-9pm FREE · George Owens Nature Park 8:30-5pm FREE · MARCH 1st MO Town 9-4:30 Adults $5 children 5+ $3 and 4 and under FREE |
| Friday · Toddler Town 10-12 ages 5 and under $1 per child · Kid Zone- 10-3 and 5-8 before 11am kids $4 · Lakeside Nature Center 9-5 FREE · Nelson Atkins Museum 10-9 FREE · Martha Lafite Thompson Nature Sanctuary 8-5 FREE · Burr Oak Nature Center 7-6 FREE · Crown Center Tales and Trails 10am-9pm 2/4-4/29 FREE · Library 9am-6pm FREE · George Owens Nature Park 8:30-5pm FREE · MARCH 1st MO Town 9-4:30 Adults $5 children 5+ $3 and 4 and under FREE · First Fridays- Crossroads Art District FREE · A Flip Zone Lee's Summit 1st and 3rd Fridays ages 18 months and up $5 6:30-8:30pm | Saturday · Kid Zone- 10am-9pm · Lakeside Nature Center 9-5 FREE · Nelson Atkins Museum 10-5 FREE · Burr Oak Nature Center 8-5 FREE · Crown Center Tales and Trails 10am-9pm 2/4-4/29 FREE · Library 9am-5pm FREE · George Owens Nature Park 8:30-5pm FREE · MARCH 1st MO Town 9-4:30 Adults $5 children 5+ $3 and 4 and under FREE · Sprint Family Fun Days @ Power & Light thru the summer | Extra Activities · Cave Springs · Powell Gardens · Ha Ha Tonka State Park · Bridal Cave · Lake of the Ozarks · Shatto Milk tour · Green Dirt Farm tour · Faulkner's · Carolyn's Country Cousins · Chic Fil A (indoor play area) · McDonalds (indoor play area) · Waterfall Park · Feed the Elk-/Bison · Zoo · Parks · Movies · Ice Cream · Coco Key · Summit Waves · Wonderscope | Continued: · Community Pool · Santi-Cali-Gon Days Independence · BBQ Blaze off · MO State Fair (Aug) · Renaissance Festival (Labor- Columbus Day) · Fall Fun Fest Sept 14-16 B.S. · Sibley Orchard · Roller Skate · Ice Skate · Sledding |
Date Night Ideas
· Appetizers/Dessert
· Happy Hour specials at restaurants
· Try a new restaurant
· Californos-http://www.californos.com/Californos.Premiere.Kansas.City.Wedding.Reception.venue.romantic.reception.hot-spot.html
· Friday Night Flicks-many cities in the summer- free
· Hike-free
· Biking-free
· Nature Trails-free
· Festivals- BBQ Blaze off, Santi-Cali-Gon, Fall Fun Fest-free
· Coffee/tea
Resources:
· School district/PTA calendar- http://www.bluesprings-schools.net/home ,,http://www.grainvalley.k12.mo.us/home?sid=29, http://www6.indep.k12.mo.us/ , http://www.leesummit.k12.mo.us/ , http://www.raytownschools.org/Pages/Home.aspx
· City website- http://www.bluespringsgov.com/ ,http://www.cityofgrainvalley.org/ , http://www.ci.independence.mo.us/ , http://cityofls.net/ , http://www.raytown.mo.us/
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